Wow....2016....it has been years since I was on here last blogging. Wow, again! So, what made me think of blogging now? I guess as I was thinking back, and it being the beginning of a new year, I was reflecting about how 2015 was, and felt like finally writing about it. So, here we are. Ready to blog again.
This is not to say that the other years, weren't eventful too, they were, but 2015 is the year that I just got through, and the one that is uppermost in my mind at this time.
So that is where I am going to begin my new journey of blogging. So much has changed over these last few years.
Even my blogger spot of "Childlike Expressions", may not even clearly reflect the person I am today. But I will keep the name, none the less. In my head, the new name is "BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE...."
As I mentioned earlier, a lot of changes have gone on since my last blog. One important thing, on my mind right now, is that I am a grandma to more than just Bryana. Bryana is 8 years old now, I also have Clayton, who is 3 1/2 yrs old, Michael's son. Then in 2012 Matthew and Theresa got married and with them I got a step-grandson named Damion, who is now 20 yrs old. In November, 2014, Matt & Theresa blessed us with twin girls, named Starr and Angel. That brought our total to 5....then Theresa gets pregnant very soon after delivering the girls, and is now due in two days, to deliver grandchild #6, a grandson named Jaxsen, who is scheduled to arrive on January 4, 2016! So you see what I mean, with a lot of changes? LOL.
Being a grandma (Mamie) to this amount of kiddos surely has kept John (Papa) and I, very busy. But we honestly can say, we are loving every minute of it.
This past Christmas, was a very fun time to say the least. Clayton, was the most excited, I think. He was trying to "help" everyone open their gifts. And then when he had a gift to open, the excitement mounted even more. Truly precious to watch. The girls, just being a little over one year old, weren't really sure exactly what all was going on, but they too were enjoying the day. These are the memories I cherish. Everyone special in it's own way.
But as I sit and reflect back on the year 2015, other memories flood my mind, some not so cherishable as these recent ones. I gotta say, 2015 has been one of the most difficult and hardest years I have ever had to get through. When I think of "hard years", of course 2001, with the passing of my precious Mama, and then again in 2011, the passing of my sweet Daddy, those 2 are at the top. 2011 also brought about sadness and grief with the passing of a dear sweet best friend, named Bobby. Those two years, are really hard to even put into words, my exact and deep down feelings, that mere words can never totally explain. They were losses that I will never get over, but have learned to get through. Each one floods my mind with memories of their own. I have learned to cherish the good days, and to cling to God, on the days that the darkness tries to invade my mind and take over. BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE...................
So, in this life, we learn to let go, and we learn to go on. To cherish the here and now. We learn to live each day to it's fullest. To not take each other for granted. To love and to be loved. To acknowledge that we are not promised tomorrow. To forgive often. To hug and to hold, while we can.
With 2015, I experienced another kind of loss, that in itself too, mere words are hard to find. This being the first time I have felt the need to even put it into words. But I think I am ready now. BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE...............
The loss I have had to deal with this time, is so very different than the losses I spoke of earlier. This time it was the loss of friends within my church family. This loss, cut me very deep. Deeper than I would have ever imagined. There are days that I wonder if the wound will ever heal. Many months have went by since this happened, and I know that I am now in the healing stage. At first, I was going through what I called, the "grieving stage." I sincerely grieved, the loss of church family and friends. I had been a part of this church since 2002, it was not an easy process for me to leave this place that I had found such love, acceptance, guidance, friends and mentors. The memories that I have from there, are too numerous and fill my mind of many good times. It was the place that I saw my grandchildren dedicated and saw them learn about Jesus. It was the place that I saw my husband, come to accept Christ into his life. It was the place my son and his wife were married. It was the place I saw many friends come to accept Christ into their own lives and saw so many grow, as they learned to serve. It was the place I said good-bye to friends who have went on to Glory and are waiting for me to join them one day. It was the sanctuary, of where I found comfort, as I had to say good-bye to my Daddy. It was the place where I too, learned to love the Lord and serve Him, with all my heart, soul and mind.
But as events unfolded, it became the place that I would have to say good-bye to. The place that God was leading me out of, into another place, that I had no knowledge of where He was leading or just exactly what He was asking me to do.
Hindsight, they say, is 20/20. I can see why that is said. When we look back, we can see God's hand in it all. Were there times it hurt, absolutely! Were there times, I didn't understand it, for sure! Are there still times I feel the hurt and pain....even now.
BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE...........I am learning how to deal with it. And from this woman's point of view, it is a daily process. So many things God has shown me along the way. He is healing this heart one day at a time.
BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE.........I have had to accept the fact that others have decided to no longer be my friend. And that hurts! What really hurts is that many don't even know the real reasons to why God led me out of there. They assume.............and I think, if they really were my friends, wouldn't they contact me and want to know? But instead, they ignore me, they defriend me on FB, they don't call or text like they used to, they no longer want to "get together", they pass me up in Kroger, and don't even speak. Hmmmmmmm......and these were my church family.
BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE......I am learning how to not let these things steal my joy. To not let these things take my focus off of Jesus. To not let these things deter me from my mission to share Christ. I am learning that this was just one chapter from my life. God has many more chapters for me to go through.
BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE.......So many lessons I have learned from this experience. I am trusting God to get me through the next one, and the one after that, and the one after that...........
There are days that I still grieve the loss of Mama, Daddy, Bobby, my church, and my church family. But as I grieve and as I let God tend my wound and bring it to a place of healing, it's then I know what it means when He says in His Word, that "my grace is sufficient".............
BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE..............as I enter this new year 2016, I can truly say, I am in a good place. My life is still on track for Jesus. He is the one person/friend that I never lost. As I explained it to one person, "Satan may have tried to take me out of the fight, and yes, he knocked me down, but I AM GETTING BACK UP!"
BUT FOR GOD'S GRACE...................
Because of Christ.........
Yana
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Friday, November 4, 2011
"Fresh-brewed life"...not up to par
I joined up with Book Sneeze because I love to read and their idea of a “free” book with just a review was very tempting to say the least.
I just read my first book called, “fresh-brewed life” by Nicole Johnson. Even though I am not a coffee drinker I was willing to give this book a shot. But in the defense of coffee, let me say this, I do love the smell of coffee brewing, just not the taste. As a child, I grew up in a house where the coffee pot was on from morning til bedtime. But somehow, I escaped the love or need for it.
As for the book. I have to admit I was a little disappointed in the read. It was an easy read, but one that was hard to stay with. I felt it dealt more with journaling and how to, and when to, and all of that, more so that what I thought it might be. I had other notions of what this book would be about. I felt it would be more of a devotional type, but was dismayed that it wasn’t.
It is for sure a book meant for those who love to journal. It is a step by step, go to book, for this very thing.
Yes, she had lots of insights that were good, but just not in the context that I like to read about.
When I joined BookSneeze I knew I had to write a review. I feel that this one being my very first, is not the positive review I had hoped it would be. But it is my opinion and mine alone.
I just read my first book called, “fresh-brewed life” by Nicole Johnson. Even though I am not a coffee drinker I was willing to give this book a shot. But in the defense of coffee, let me say this, I do love the smell of coffee brewing, just not the taste. As a child, I grew up in a house where the coffee pot was on from morning til bedtime. But somehow, I escaped the love or need for it.
As for the book. I have to admit I was a little disappointed in the read. It was an easy read, but one that was hard to stay with. I felt it dealt more with journaling and how to, and when to, and all of that, more so that what I thought it might be. I had other notions of what this book would be about. I felt it would be more of a devotional type, but was dismayed that it wasn’t.
It is for sure a book meant for those who love to journal. It is a step by step, go to book, for this very thing.
Yes, she had lots of insights that were good, but just not in the context that I like to read about.
When I joined BookSneeze I knew I had to write a review. I feel that this one being my very first, is not the positive review I had hoped it would be. But it is my opinion and mine alone.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Pain in my heart
When I asked God-
"Will this pain in my heart ever end?"
God said -
"Only when you turn to me for the repairs."
- Psalm 103:2 ~ Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits -
WOW...that says it all, amen? Praise Him through it all! Good and bad. Oh, but we all know that isn't the easiest thing to do. We all want to just wallow in our own self pity thoughts, and ask, "Why me?" Or "Why God?" The pain sometimes over takes us. We want to just sit there and revel in it. Oh how it hurts. But when we change our focus and look to the one who can take that pain away, Oh how the hurt eases, and peace moves in.
These last few weeks for me and my family have been like a rollercoaster ride. Up and down, and up and down. There were the high peaks and then the low peaks. Then there were the peaks that twisted and turned and had us dizzy. Me in particular.
But as I look back on it all, and write these words, I can see God's hand in it all. Hallelujah!
It has been there all along, it is US who forgets to look for it or to grab on to it and hang on!
A few weeks ago, my youngest son Matthew, and his girlfriend Theresa came to me with news that shocked me beyond belief. Truly! Unexpected! They have been living together for about five years now and came and shared the news that they were expecting a baby! My second grandchild! The little Noah's Ark card read: due April 2011 ! Well, I can say for a few seconds there, I was totally speechless! Yeah, I know, it is hard to believe or even witness, but I was. The words were just not there. As I began to process this, the tears then began to flow. As I looked up at Matthew, he too was in tears. Several minutes later, the entire room of people, (John, Kellie and Daddy) all were informed of the news. Elation and happiness were also met with worries of finances, emotional and spiritual issues that were sure to come to light as things progressed. I had shared with them several times about God and His plans for our lives. Marriage in particular. How my hope for them was to know Christ as their personal savior, to get married and then to start a family. So as you see, like I said, unexpected. As for me, the tears didn't want to seem to leave me. They became my constant friend for the next several days. Every time I talked about it or shared with family and friends, they were there. It is really hard to put into words what I was feeling. My heart was so heavy because I was feeling that "spiritually" they were not ready. They had made this decision to have a child, independent of God! (a word from another). Over the years they have known my feelings of them living together, and now they bypass marriage and jump right into having a child. Many family and friends were encouraging to me. Several lifted me in prayer and shared their own testomonies with me that got me through this time. But the discouraging words from others were there too. I was praying constantly that the Lord give me peace with it all. I wanted to handle this situation the way that He wanted me to, not the way others said I should do, or be or act. As one sweet friend said, "Yana, your heart has been broke and you are very fragile right now." Oh, how right she was. That I see now, was why the tears didn't let up. I was searching for peace and I found it. Hallelujah! Like I said earlier, He was there all along, I was the one not reaching out for His Hand. Through constant prayer, day and night, and how scripture spoke to me, as well as precious friends who know how to comfort and encourage, I found the peace that HE gives. I found the JOY that He gives.
Scripture says that God knew us even before He formed us in our Mother's womb. Awesome. So he knew that this child was to be born and the situation it was to be born into. This child deserved nothing less than any other child does. I just needed to trust Him and to love Matt and Theresa just like He does. Unconditionally! Never wavering on truth, but to show Jesus' love!
So there it was...I was going to be a grandmother for a second time. Oh how sweet. My first, Bryana, has brought me such pleasure that I was expectant of finding that same sweetness again. Matt already was telling me names, Jonathan David, for a boy! The girl, still undecided. But as the days went on, Jonathan David....grew on me.
We started a "bank" just for "little Coyle!" Change was being put in daily and the anticipation was growing.
My tears were few and far between, but I was still leaning on my prayer warriors. They were keeping me strong.
This past Monday began as any other day. I had went shopping, wanting to get a card of encouragement for Matt. I wanted him to know beyond measure that I was there for him and would help in any way I could. My love for him was never ending and unconditional. I found the perfect one. Short and to the point: "Two things you can always count on"....ME and GOD!
After I selected it, I went over to the baby section and was looking at items to buy. I was thinking on getting something for either boy or girl. My first gift for my new grandchild. As I stood there looking things over, I had this feeling of hearing God say to me, "Wait...Yana! Not yet!" To be honest, I was confused. Not sure why,(that I needed to wait) but I listened. I gathered up my purchases and headed home. About an hour after I got home I got a call from Matthew. He sounded like something was wrong. He said he needed to talk with both John and myself. So then he proceeded to tell me that Theresa had lost the baby a few hours earlier. Once again, the tears made their apprearance. My heart again was breaking. Not only for my son who was hurting so much, or for Theresa, who was hurting, but for my grandchild, that was not to be a part of our lives, while here on this earth. The pain in my heart had returned. We (John and I) both cried with him and did our best at comforting him. Matthew was devastated. His heart too, was breaking. And for that, only time will heal. I encouraged him to turn to God and seek His comfort. It has only been a few days, but a sadness overcomes me just now as I put all of this into words. Once again, I am at a loss.
I know that I will once again be on the mountaintop. Right now, I have to go through this valley. My God will be there with me, through it all.
I am giving it all to him...Matthew, Theresa, my grandchild.....praying and knowing that He will bring glory to His name through this situation. I am trusting that His ways are best.
My heart is still grieving for the grandchild I will never know, but I do know that God is still in control. I know now, why He told me to "wait."
As I seek His wisdom, I am learning to listen. I am learning to trust all the more.
"Will this pain in my heart ever end?"
God said -
"Only when you turn to me for the repairs."
- Psalm 103:2 ~ Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits -
WOW...that says it all, amen? Praise Him through it all! Good and bad. Oh, but we all know that isn't the easiest thing to do. We all want to just wallow in our own self pity thoughts, and ask, "Why me?" Or "Why God?" The pain sometimes over takes us. We want to just sit there and revel in it. Oh how it hurts. But when we change our focus and look to the one who can take that pain away, Oh how the hurt eases, and peace moves in.
These last few weeks for me and my family have been like a rollercoaster ride. Up and down, and up and down. There were the high peaks and then the low peaks. Then there were the peaks that twisted and turned and had us dizzy. Me in particular.
But as I look back on it all, and write these words, I can see God's hand in it all. Hallelujah!
It has been there all along, it is US who forgets to look for it or to grab on to it and hang on!
A few weeks ago, my youngest son Matthew, and his girlfriend Theresa came to me with news that shocked me beyond belief. Truly! Unexpected! They have been living together for about five years now and came and shared the news that they were expecting a baby! My second grandchild! The little Noah's Ark card read: due April 2011 ! Well, I can say for a few seconds there, I was totally speechless! Yeah, I know, it is hard to believe or even witness, but I was. The words were just not there. As I began to process this, the tears then began to flow. As I looked up at Matthew, he too was in tears. Several minutes later, the entire room of people, (John, Kellie and Daddy) all were informed of the news. Elation and happiness were also met with worries of finances, emotional and spiritual issues that were sure to come to light as things progressed. I had shared with them several times about God and His plans for our lives. Marriage in particular. How my hope for them was to know Christ as their personal savior, to get married and then to start a family. So as you see, like I said, unexpected. As for me, the tears didn't want to seem to leave me. They became my constant friend for the next several days. Every time I talked about it or shared with family and friends, they were there. It is really hard to put into words what I was feeling. My heart was so heavy because I was feeling that "spiritually" they were not ready. They had made this decision to have a child, independent of God! (a word from another). Over the years they have known my feelings of them living together, and now they bypass marriage and jump right into having a child. Many family and friends were encouraging to me. Several lifted me in prayer and shared their own testomonies with me that got me through this time. But the discouraging words from others were there too. I was praying constantly that the Lord give me peace with it all. I wanted to handle this situation the way that He wanted me to, not the way others said I should do, or be or act. As one sweet friend said, "Yana, your heart has been broke and you are very fragile right now." Oh, how right she was. That I see now, was why the tears didn't let up. I was searching for peace and I found it. Hallelujah! Like I said earlier, He was there all along, I was the one not reaching out for His Hand. Through constant prayer, day and night, and how scripture spoke to me, as well as precious friends who know how to comfort and encourage, I found the peace that HE gives. I found the JOY that He gives.
Scripture says that God knew us even before He formed us in our Mother's womb. Awesome. So he knew that this child was to be born and the situation it was to be born into. This child deserved nothing less than any other child does. I just needed to trust Him and to love Matt and Theresa just like He does. Unconditionally! Never wavering on truth, but to show Jesus' love!
So there it was...I was going to be a grandmother for a second time. Oh how sweet. My first, Bryana, has brought me such pleasure that I was expectant of finding that same sweetness again. Matt already was telling me names, Jonathan David, for a boy! The girl, still undecided. But as the days went on, Jonathan David....grew on me.
We started a "bank" just for "little Coyle!" Change was being put in daily and the anticipation was growing.
My tears were few and far between, but I was still leaning on my prayer warriors. They were keeping me strong.
This past Monday began as any other day. I had went shopping, wanting to get a card of encouragement for Matt. I wanted him to know beyond measure that I was there for him and would help in any way I could. My love for him was never ending and unconditional. I found the perfect one. Short and to the point: "Two things you can always count on"....ME and GOD!
After I selected it, I went over to the baby section and was looking at items to buy. I was thinking on getting something for either boy or girl. My first gift for my new grandchild. As I stood there looking things over, I had this feeling of hearing God say to me, "Wait...Yana! Not yet!" To be honest, I was confused. Not sure why,(that I needed to wait) but I listened. I gathered up my purchases and headed home. About an hour after I got home I got a call from Matthew. He sounded like something was wrong. He said he needed to talk with both John and myself. So then he proceeded to tell me that Theresa had lost the baby a few hours earlier. Once again, the tears made their apprearance. My heart again was breaking. Not only for my son who was hurting so much, or for Theresa, who was hurting, but for my grandchild, that was not to be a part of our lives, while here on this earth. The pain in my heart had returned. We (John and I) both cried with him and did our best at comforting him. Matthew was devastated. His heart too, was breaking. And for that, only time will heal. I encouraged him to turn to God and seek His comfort. It has only been a few days, but a sadness overcomes me just now as I put all of this into words. Once again, I am at a loss.
I know that I will once again be on the mountaintop. Right now, I have to go through this valley. My God will be there with me, through it all.
I am giving it all to him...Matthew, Theresa, my grandchild.....praying and knowing that He will bring glory to His name through this situation. I am trusting that His ways are best.
My heart is still grieving for the grandchild I will never know, but I do know that God is still in control. I know now, why He told me to "wait."
As I seek His wisdom, I am learning to listen. I am learning to trust all the more.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Hard to stand
When I asked God-
"What do I do when it is hard for me to stand?"
God said -
"My Child, just stay on your knees, and I will lift you up."
- Ephesians 6:18
Oh wow...how very appropriate this one was for me today. It has been quite awhile since last I posted something on my blog. But felt so very led to get back to it today. And I say this because, this past week has been one trying week. So as I looked at the Childlike Expression for today, I just had to sit here and smile, cause as I said, how very appropriate this one is.
I am feeling right now, that it is "hard to stand", and not knowing how to proceed on. This past week my life has been (I feel) almost shattered with some life changing news. Praises and prayer requests all rolled into one. I finally got a call from the lawyer after two years that my disability court date has been set. Hallelujah! Been a long two and almost two and a half years. So happy that it is finally on the burner. Same day...get a call that my sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer! Devastating! For those who know me, I lost my Mama in 2001, to the same disease. Talk about a mind blower. Along with this, checked on a dear sweet friend who had been in the hospital for about a week and a half. Family member I spoke with gave me such encouraging news, that I was elated. The day was truly like I had been on a rollercoaster, an emotional one for sure. Cried myself to sleep for my sister, gave thanks and praise for the appointment, and thanked the Lord for giving my friend a good day! Just a little over 24 hrs. later, things changed. I went to see my friend in the hospital, cause I was preparing to go out of town over the weekend and wanted to see her and share in her improving health situation. Upon arriving at the hospital, was met by a family member who informed me that her status had changed and she was now on the Hospice Unit! (her room had been changed that same day). Needless to say, I was in total shock. I was taken back to see her. I spent several minutes alone with her in her room. I was suddenly faced with the fact, that I was probably here to say good-bye! Bending down close to her, I rubbed her forehead and touched her cheek. She looked up at me and said my name. Of course, me being the blubbering kind, was already in tears. She just looked at me and gave me that special grin of hers. I drew up close so we could talk. I told her I loved her and how very special she was to me. She then said to me, "Thank You." And I replied, "for what?" "For being my friend," she said. With the tears really flowing now, I said, "Oh, Candy, I wouldn't have had it any other way." "I love you!" She was so very weak, but she found the strengh to ask me a question that will stay with me forever. She said, "Yana, will you pray for me?" Grasping her hand in mine, I said, "Yes, I will pray for you. Is there anything specific you want me to pray for?" She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and then opened them and looked straight into mine and said, "I want to meet Jesus!" I thought my heart would come right out of my chest as I said to her, "I know you do Candy, you are tired, and I know you are ready." "But please know, I am gonna miss you!" Right at that moment another lady from our church entered the room and I told her that she was there and that together we would pray for her. And we did just that. Before leaving the room, I once again was holding her hand and stroking her cheek, telling her how much I loved her. I leaned over and kissed her on her forehead and said, "I'll see ya later, okay?" She grinned and nodded at me, one last time. I left the room very distraught and spoke with the family member for several minutes before leaving to go home. I was then informed that the doctors didn't expect her to make it through the weekend. The next day, my friend got to meet Jesus! Hallelujah! As for me, my heart is heavy. These last few days have been almost like a blur. Trying to process it all. Memories flood my mind of our times together. The memory that is standing out the most right now, is the one of that last "favor" she asked of me. I feel so very humbled that the Lord chose me, to be the one she needed at that time in her life. And honored too, that she knew she could ask that of me. My tears have yet to cease, but will over time. My memories of her, NEVER!
So when I say that this expression was so appropriate, once again, I am in awe of the Father and how He knows just exactly what we need. He knows how much I needed to remember that and to replay it all in my mind and find HIM in it all. And oh, yes! HE has been there right in the middle of it all. So for now, that is exactly what I intend to do, stay on my knees and let HIM lift me up.
As another friend told me just today, "you've got a lot on your plate right now, and I am praying for you." You know, she is so right. But too, we both know that our Lord is still in control and get me through these trying times, HE WILL! Right now, I am having some trouble standing, so I think I am going to just snuggle up a little closer to the Father, and find my comfort there, right in His arms!
"What do I do when it is hard for me to stand?"
God said -
"My Child, just stay on your knees, and I will lift you up."
- Ephesians 6:18
Oh wow...how very appropriate this one was for me today. It has been quite awhile since last I posted something on my blog. But felt so very led to get back to it today. And I say this because, this past week has been one trying week. So as I looked at the Childlike Expression for today, I just had to sit here and smile, cause as I said, how very appropriate this one is.
I am feeling right now, that it is "hard to stand", and not knowing how to proceed on. This past week my life has been (I feel) almost shattered with some life changing news. Praises and prayer requests all rolled into one. I finally got a call from the lawyer after two years that my disability court date has been set. Hallelujah! Been a long two and almost two and a half years. So happy that it is finally on the burner. Same day...get a call that my sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer! Devastating! For those who know me, I lost my Mama in 2001, to the same disease. Talk about a mind blower. Along with this, checked on a dear sweet friend who had been in the hospital for about a week and a half. Family member I spoke with gave me such encouraging news, that I was elated. The day was truly like I had been on a rollercoaster, an emotional one for sure. Cried myself to sleep for my sister, gave thanks and praise for the appointment, and thanked the Lord for giving my friend a good day! Just a little over 24 hrs. later, things changed. I went to see my friend in the hospital, cause I was preparing to go out of town over the weekend and wanted to see her and share in her improving health situation. Upon arriving at the hospital, was met by a family member who informed me that her status had changed and she was now on the Hospice Unit! (her room had been changed that same day). Needless to say, I was in total shock. I was taken back to see her. I spent several minutes alone with her in her room. I was suddenly faced with the fact, that I was probably here to say good-bye! Bending down close to her, I rubbed her forehead and touched her cheek. She looked up at me and said my name. Of course, me being the blubbering kind, was already in tears. She just looked at me and gave me that special grin of hers. I drew up close so we could talk. I told her I loved her and how very special she was to me. She then said to me, "Thank You." And I replied, "for what?" "For being my friend," she said. With the tears really flowing now, I said, "Oh, Candy, I wouldn't have had it any other way." "I love you!" She was so very weak, but she found the strengh to ask me a question that will stay with me forever. She said, "Yana, will you pray for me?" Grasping her hand in mine, I said, "Yes, I will pray for you. Is there anything specific you want me to pray for?" She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and then opened them and looked straight into mine and said, "I want to meet Jesus!" I thought my heart would come right out of my chest as I said to her, "I know you do Candy, you are tired, and I know you are ready." "But please know, I am gonna miss you!" Right at that moment another lady from our church entered the room and I told her that she was there and that together we would pray for her. And we did just that. Before leaving the room, I once again was holding her hand and stroking her cheek, telling her how much I loved her. I leaned over and kissed her on her forehead and said, "I'll see ya later, okay?" She grinned and nodded at me, one last time. I left the room very distraught and spoke with the family member for several minutes before leaving to go home. I was then informed that the doctors didn't expect her to make it through the weekend. The next day, my friend got to meet Jesus! Hallelujah! As for me, my heart is heavy. These last few days have been almost like a blur. Trying to process it all. Memories flood my mind of our times together. The memory that is standing out the most right now, is the one of that last "favor" she asked of me. I feel so very humbled that the Lord chose me, to be the one she needed at that time in her life. And honored too, that she knew she could ask that of me. My tears have yet to cease, but will over time. My memories of her, NEVER!
So when I say that this expression was so appropriate, once again, I am in awe of the Father and how He knows just exactly what we need. He knows how much I needed to remember that and to replay it all in my mind and find HIM in it all. And oh, yes! HE has been there right in the middle of it all. So for now, that is exactly what I intend to do, stay on my knees and let HIM lift me up.
As another friend told me just today, "you've got a lot on your plate right now, and I am praying for you." You know, she is so right. But too, we both know that our Lord is still in control and get me through these trying times, HE WILL! Right now, I am having some trouble standing, so I think I am going to just snuggle up a little closer to the Father, and find my comfort there, right in His arms!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
When I fall...
When I asked God -
"What happens if I fall along the way?"
God said -
"My Child, I will always be there to pick you up and tend your wounds."
- Jude 1:24
Simple answer, but so awesome in thought. We all know that as we walk this journey with our Lord, we are all going to have those times when we fall along the way. Either we lose our way for a bit, or we take a wrong turn, (to put it in this context), or we just stumble. Our peace is in the fact that we know He is there to always pick us up. No matter the reason, no matter the cause. All we gotta do is call on Him, and He is there. Isn't that an awesome thought? Do you really think of it like that? Or do you just take it for granted? I think we all at times, take it for granted. Do we DAILY remember His sacrifice? Do we keep it utmost in our minds, how He suffered for our cause? As I think about the times I have fell along the way, or stumbled, I am saddened. Because I don't keep it as my main focus, is why I know, that I fall. His Word says that if we keep Him the focus, we won't fall into these traps. We will know our way and it will be made clear. So then, why do we fall? Because we take our eyes off the prize, Jesus Christ! We get caught up in the ways of the world, or it becomes all about me! We forget, that we were made to glorify Him! I heard my pastor say this morning, that we "were created for another world." Wow...think on that one for just a minute. Really makes you think, right? His sermon was on how we are to seek after righteousness. Our Sunday School lesson was on the same track with how we are to live holy lives. We are to be holy, because He is holy. That is what he commands of us (Lev. 19:2)to live holy lives. And I think when we strive to do this, we will stumble and fall, less and less. But as we do this, we have the reassurance that He will be there each and every time, to pick us up and, as the expression goes, "tend our wounds." I know in my own life, He has never let me down, or never forsaken me. He always gives me exactly what I need, not want, but need! I came across a scripture the other day that said, when we earnestly seek God's will for our lives and not our own, we will truly find real contentment. Oh, how true. As I sat in worship service today, I was reminded of what an awesome God we serve.
As I sit here tonight, writing this blog, I am enveloped in this awesomeness. I feel so snug and cuddled beneath His wings. Right where I need to be. Amen? Quite a few days have went by since I last blogged, and for that, I am sorry. Seems lately my time has been pulled in one way or another, and this blogging fell to the bottom of the list. Commitments of every nature, plague me and rally for my time. God gently drew me back to Him through this writing tonight, and I see now why. For He wants to remind me, to keep my focus on HIM! Whether it is through, blogging, praying, witnessing, reading and studying His Word, singing praises, praying with a friend, or whatever the case, but to be "aware" of the focus! For His Word says, "in all things to acknowledge Him!"
Father, thank you for your reminders to me today and may I always keep YOU the focus of my life.
Praying too, that if you don't know Him as your Lord and Savior, that you too, will find that focus for YOUR LIFE!
"What happens if I fall along the way?"
God said -
"My Child, I will always be there to pick you up and tend your wounds."
- Jude 1:24
Simple answer, but so awesome in thought. We all know that as we walk this journey with our Lord, we are all going to have those times when we fall along the way. Either we lose our way for a bit, or we take a wrong turn, (to put it in this context), or we just stumble. Our peace is in the fact that we know He is there to always pick us up. No matter the reason, no matter the cause. All we gotta do is call on Him, and He is there. Isn't that an awesome thought? Do you really think of it like that? Or do you just take it for granted? I think we all at times, take it for granted. Do we DAILY remember His sacrifice? Do we keep it utmost in our minds, how He suffered for our cause? As I think about the times I have fell along the way, or stumbled, I am saddened. Because I don't keep it as my main focus, is why I know, that I fall. His Word says that if we keep Him the focus, we won't fall into these traps. We will know our way and it will be made clear. So then, why do we fall? Because we take our eyes off the prize, Jesus Christ! We get caught up in the ways of the world, or it becomes all about me! We forget, that we were made to glorify Him! I heard my pastor say this morning, that we "were created for another world." Wow...think on that one for just a minute. Really makes you think, right? His sermon was on how we are to seek after righteousness. Our Sunday School lesson was on the same track with how we are to live holy lives. We are to be holy, because He is holy. That is what he commands of us (Lev. 19:2)to live holy lives. And I think when we strive to do this, we will stumble and fall, less and less. But as we do this, we have the reassurance that He will be there each and every time, to pick us up and, as the expression goes, "tend our wounds." I know in my own life, He has never let me down, or never forsaken me. He always gives me exactly what I need, not want, but need! I came across a scripture the other day that said, when we earnestly seek God's will for our lives and not our own, we will truly find real contentment. Oh, how true. As I sat in worship service today, I was reminded of what an awesome God we serve.
As I sit here tonight, writing this blog, I am enveloped in this awesomeness. I feel so snug and cuddled beneath His wings. Right where I need to be. Amen? Quite a few days have went by since I last blogged, and for that, I am sorry. Seems lately my time has been pulled in one way or another, and this blogging fell to the bottom of the list. Commitments of every nature, plague me and rally for my time. God gently drew me back to Him through this writing tonight, and I see now why. For He wants to remind me, to keep my focus on HIM! Whether it is through, blogging, praying, witnessing, reading and studying His Word, singing praises, praying with a friend, or whatever the case, but to be "aware" of the focus! For His Word says, "in all things to acknowledge Him!"
Father, thank you for your reminders to me today and may I always keep YOU the focus of my life.
Praying too, that if you don't know Him as your Lord and Savior, that you too, will find that focus for YOUR LIFE!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Failing the tests?
When I asked God -
"Why do I always seem to fail your tests?"
God said -
"It's because you are not doing your homework...Study My Book!"
- Psalm 119:11
Wow...that kinda says it all, right? It is so true. How are we to know what we are to do and how to do it, if we never study His Word? So many people say, "Why do I need to go to church, I can worship God anywhere." And yes, that is true, you can. But His Word says we are to fellowship together and for lots of reasons but one main one is so that we can study His Word and get to know Him. We study it and we look at it and discuss how and what God is trying to say to each of us through it. I know from my own experience, I truly grow more and more when I am in His Word on a daily basis. Not just on Sunday morning in Sunday School and in worship service. And yes, I certainly grow from those times too, but there is just something about being in a class where there are other Christians and sharing and discussing His Word. I draw so much insight from others and I feel that I can share about things that are going on in my own life and I get encouragement when needed. I learn that all of us have our ups and our down times and we are all in need of God and His Amazing Grace in our lives. It strengthens us as a whole and also as an individual. We grow closer in our walk with the Father. It is just like this childlike question asked, failing a test. When we were in school, to pass the test, we had to study. We had to KNOW the subject, right? Well, it is the same here. God wants us to KNOW HIM! In every way. Are you studying the book?
"Why do I always seem to fail your tests?"
God said -
"It's because you are not doing your homework...Study My Book!"
- Psalm 119:11
Wow...that kinda says it all, right? It is so true. How are we to know what we are to do and how to do it, if we never study His Word? So many people say, "Why do I need to go to church, I can worship God anywhere." And yes, that is true, you can. But His Word says we are to fellowship together and for lots of reasons but one main one is so that we can study His Word and get to know Him. We study it and we look at it and discuss how and what God is trying to say to each of us through it. I know from my own experience, I truly grow more and more when I am in His Word on a daily basis. Not just on Sunday morning in Sunday School and in worship service. And yes, I certainly grow from those times too, but there is just something about being in a class where there are other Christians and sharing and discussing His Word. I draw so much insight from others and I feel that I can share about things that are going on in my own life and I get encouragement when needed. I learn that all of us have our ups and our down times and we are all in need of God and His Amazing Grace in our lives. It strengthens us as a whole and also as an individual. We grow closer in our walk with the Father. It is just like this childlike question asked, failing a test. When we were in school, to pass the test, we had to study. We had to KNOW the subject, right? Well, it is the same here. God wants us to KNOW HIM! In every way. Are you studying the book?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
#6-child-like expressions
When I asked God -
"How do I know that you are leading me down the right road?"
God said -
"Because My Child...I will never ask you to go anywhere that I cannot lead you."
- Psalm 27:11
How many times have you taken a road and not really fully known where you are going? Been there myself many times. You find yourself looking for signs to show you where to go next or how to turn around and get yourself back on the right road. Maybe it is a new location that you have never been in or around. Those are the worst. Today we have all kinds of spruced up technology designed to help us get to and from. But for the Christian, we have always had the information right at our fingertips. But the question is, do we use it? Do we rely on it? God's Word was given to us for just that reason. To be a roadmap for our lives. And when we question the things of our life, such as His leading down the right road, we have only to open His Word and search the scriptures and there we will find our answers. He promises to never take us or lead us anywhere that He himself has not already walked ahead of us and prepared the way. There will for certain be times where we cannot see what lies ahead, but we need only to cling to His Word that He is already there. There are times when this is hard to do. Our faith is strengthened even more in those times. For it is then when we learn to fully rely on HIM! Those are our times of growth. When we look back we then see it, and are stronger for it.
"How do I know that you are leading me down the right road?"
God said -
"Because My Child...I will never ask you to go anywhere that I cannot lead you."
- Psalm 27:11
How many times have you taken a road and not really fully known where you are going? Been there myself many times. You find yourself looking for signs to show you where to go next or how to turn around and get yourself back on the right road. Maybe it is a new location that you have never been in or around. Those are the worst. Today we have all kinds of spruced up technology designed to help us get to and from. But for the Christian, we have always had the information right at our fingertips. But the question is, do we use it? Do we rely on it? God's Word was given to us for just that reason. To be a roadmap for our lives. And when we question the things of our life, such as His leading down the right road, we have only to open His Word and search the scriptures and there we will find our answers. He promises to never take us or lead us anywhere that He himself has not already walked ahead of us and prepared the way. There will for certain be times where we cannot see what lies ahead, but we need only to cling to His Word that He is already there. There are times when this is hard to do. Our faith is strengthened even more in those times. For it is then when we learn to fully rely on HIM! Those are our times of growth. When we look back we then see it, and are stronger for it.
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